Get your head in the game!

Take charge of what you control - Ignore what you can't.

Hi Friends,

Just realized I posted my 50th article last week, and I didn’t even notice.

Woohoooo!

It is an achievement of sorts, and I am just happy to have kept going.

While I don’t know how long I will continue, for the moment I just wanted to say thank you for the immense support and words of encouragement along the way.

We are well past the middle of February and probably now hitting our rhythm on things that we have going on. A regular routine to manage your life such as Tennis on Mondays and Thursdays, Friday nights with friends, hikes on Saturday mornings, etc.

These are routines that you have set to make yourself comfortable and you find your optimum levels of happiness every time you work through them. But, every so often you get a curve ball, something that throws you off your normal game.

You often see this in sports, if Ronaldo were to shoot the ball wide of the post even though he was only a couple of feet away, or Roger Federer would end up losing a set 6-0. These are times when you get thrown off your regular game and the feeling of being off-balance lingers.

I had an event like this the past week - of course, the consequences are not as severe as those of elite sportsmen, but it still gets in your head.

It was a couple of days ago, I started a bit early at my home office, had a cup of coffee, and then took a short break to drop the kids to school.

On the way back, I remembered I wanted to get some oranges that I could snack on in case I got hungry in the middle of work and took the route to a farmer’s store - which was a slight detour. It’s an inside road that says you have to be slow (less than 50 km). I was closer to 30-35 km and driving down the road when from a side road a lady cyclist was coming down to a T-junction at a more than coasting speed and had to hit the brake when she saw my car. Then she gave a sarcastic thumbs up (which was closer to “up yours” ) as I was passing low traffic and as she turned in, I could see that she modified that thumb to a “middle finger”.

I got infuriated. She was clearly in the wrong and then had the audacity to throw abusive hand signs at me as she went along her merry way. I had half a mind to do a U-turn and give an education on etiquette and road rules but then decided against it.

I remembered a story I read a while ago where a gentleman was asked why didn’t he respond to a truck driver who yelled at him and abused him. He responded that the one who threw abuses was carrying the garbage of his life circumstances and was looking for an opportunity to vent. If he responded, then he would be taking that garbage and carrying that around which would cause it to stink up his day. Why carry other people’s garbage? he replied.

So I decided to not carry other people’s garbage - I just assumed that the lady was carrying negativity from her life and was using the opportunity to throw it, and it just so happened that I was in the way. Even so, I was fuming. And I realized that I needed to snap out of this soon. I went into the farmer’s shop, bought some Oranges, and some other stuff, and drove home. Got into my workout clothes, and then went to get a good workout done, which I finished up with a cold shower. Then I got on a call and spoke to some friends with whom I could have a hearty laugh.

I succeeded.

I snapped out of it.

Now this is just a small simulation of experiences that we may have in our family, with friends, or even at the workplace.

I can remember multiple times in the workplace where I found myself backed into a corner, or sometimes feeling that I was stuck and just floating around without a hard steer. Sometimes you get into conversations with people who have more clout in the organization and you leave with a feeling that you are cornered into submission.

I hated having the mental anguish, as that threw me off my game. Over time I slowly learned that I have to get better at managing my mental space and started to work on how to move out of these situations faster.

Dwelling on situations that are out of our control or on events that have played out already, is not helpful. The trick is to change the environment and give the mind another equally important thing to focus on.

When you start to work on the new thing, you realize that the previous event that got you upset wasn’t that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.

I have many examples from the last couple of years where I have had friends and colleagues who didn’t know where they were headed career-wise. Some were not getting direction from their managers, and also their managers did not make any effort to help them in their careers.

Some of the colleagues don’t enjoy work as much as they used to and lack motivation for various reasons - politics, lack of direction, changing priorities, undelivered promises, lack of appreciation or recognition, no avenues for promotions or growth at least not through merit, etc.

When you have a chat with some of these people, you realize that they often compare their current situation to other times in the past when they had great leaders, or to an environment that was more in line with their aspirations and expectations.

So. How do you snap out of this? What could you do?

You need to pivot from your current mindset. Here are a few tips that would help you get back into game mode:

1. Change up your routine: One of the best things to do is change up the normal routine and include something that makes you happy or has a positive influence on you physically. This could be a workout, a bike ride, or a simple walk in the morning to help you collect your thoughts.

   I can vouch for this because my current routine of a morning workout and cold showers is what makes me happy and keeps me on my game - this is why I used this in my situation with the cyclist. It works, so why fix something that isn’t broken?

2. Focus on yourself: This is another really easy way to get you out of the dumps. There may be things outside your control - ignore them. Focus on things you can control and start to take charge of those.

   A friend who knew I was into personal finance and investing told me to focus on those so I started to put more effort into those. Pick something you want to learn and get better at. It could be a course you have been wanting to do for long, maybe a hobby like learning the guitar, or topics such as communication, negotiation, etc. Learning new skills that have transferability across industries is very useful in the long run, plus it gives you a diversion from the things outside your control.

   I remember advising a mentee, now a friend, that sometimes it is ok to focus on yourself and think about life goals. For eg. Where would you want to be in 10 years, what skills would you like to have, what would you like to have set aside for your savings? etc. Having a long-term focus suddenly makes the short-term seem less relevant.

   

3. Talk to people who can give you advice: This could be your friends, a coach, a guide, or even a mentor. Sometimes talking about situations with people you trust can help provide perspective. More than likely some people have gone through similar situations, and they can offer you guidance on how to find your way through situations.

   I can attest to this one because I have religiously made use of this in my career. Sometimes you need someone to just hear you out and give you unfiltered guidance. A good guide, or friend will you tell it as it is without any sugar coating.

The ability to pivot quickly is key. The moment you see yourself going down the slippery slope of doom and gloom, you need to pivot and find something to snap out of it. The key is to identify the trigger soon enough so that you can take action to pivot into your happy place.

Hope you enjoyed the post this week. Please leave your feedback and comments below.

If you have any friends or colleagues who are going through similar situations and need a jolt, then please do share this post.

Have an amazing week ahead, and see you in the next one!

Jithin