The Life Compass : Values

How to Lead a Fulfilling Life by Adhering to Your Personal Values

Dec 03, 2023

Hi Friends,

We are in December and the final stretch of the year 2023.

The economic situation in the external environment is leading companies to go through layoffs and downsizing. The post for today was inspired by some of the discussions that have been coming up amongst a few of my friends and colleagues, and thought to dive a bit deeper considering that this can apply to the macro environment as well.

Intro

Have you been in situations where you are mentally torn between doing the right thing and executing orders dictated by others? Sometimes you stand for certain things and then you observe that people you work with, or your close friends have a completely different view about the same topic. How do you handle these differences in personal values? Are others right and you wrong? Or vice versa?

Off-late it seems the world around has descended into this narrative of right vs. wrong. When we talk about ongoing conflicts and wars, politics, or even in the workplace, where it seems most recent debates and discussions have less to do with the actual business, but rather about other topics related to social status, virtue-signaling, and other similar topics.

In my mind, if it gets to the point where we see recurring themes and the fact that we have to think about them so often, then it’s gone beyond the point of normality and becoming excessive - if not gone even beyond that already.

While important to value our own values, we also need to co-exist with others whose opinions and thoughts may differ from our own.

In a world that is in constant motion and evolving situations, it is important to have a strong sense of what values are most important to us individually. These can be applied to all situations in life - personal or work.

These values serve as a guiding light and shape our attitudes and behaviors to the stimulus from our environments. These values have an effect on our personal and professional relationships as well as our general happiness and satisfaction.

So, for today I thought to cover the topic of Personal values and why it’s an essential ingredient to lead a fulfilling life. I will also share some thoughts on how to work through situations where your own values may differ from others such as co-workers, neighbors, and sometimes even family and friends.

Additionally, a TED talk is shared below where Larissa Halilovic talks about Core Values and how to identify them.

The Importance of Personal Values

Having your Personal values is important because this is your north star. Your own individual values are what guide you as a person, a compass of sorts that helps you navigate the complexities of life. How you react to situations, how you treat other people, behaviors you display when people are looking and not looking at you, etc. are all indicative of a person’s individual values.

When you operate with honesty and openness, communicate in a sincere manner, and say what you mean and mean what you say - this is a set of personal values that you have displayed.

Personal values don’t have to be seen as one rule or code that everyone follows. There are some topics more personal to me that would not be too much of a big deal for someone else and may not necessarily have to do anything with personal values.

Where I am sometimes dumbfounded is when people say they have a set of personal values, and then do the exact opposite. What’s even more shocking is when others praise them for behaviors they don’t exude!

When you align your behaviors and actions with the values that you talk about, you reflect integrity and authenticity. When you are strong on the values that you have defined for yourself, you will find it more fulfilling and enriching that you hold yourself to the high standards you created for yourself.

Managing Different Values: Dissonance and Opportunities

Now, the other part of this is that sometimes when time and tide change, the ones ruling over you in government, or your managers/leaders at work could embark on agendas and priorities that may contradict or be in direct conflict with your own personal motivations. You may find flag bearers to these causes working alongside you or even possibly in your neighborhood.

How do you manage interactions where some of these topics may be pushing some hot buttons? Here are a few suggestions:

Differing values with people around you

When I find myself differing in opinion with people around me, although maybe my first reaction is to roll my eyes, I do make an effort to understand where they are coming from. I try to understand the depth of their conviction on the topic they are rooting for. If it’s genuinely rooted in their values and background then I try to deploy empathy and share my views and where I stand backed by my convictions. We don’t have to have the same views or be aligned, it is ok to have different opinions, and yet be polite, cordial, and respectful.

I am someone who believes that it is important to have differing views to a certain degree. It allows for debate and discussion and being open to counter views and ideas is important for progress - else we will always be where are. What is relevant to take away is that others may have differing views from your own. Engaging with them respectfully is how we practice being open-minded and empathetic towards their perspectives.

Differing values with leaders

This one has a bit of a different dynamic because if done wrong, you run the risk of being misunderstood - and that too from a point of a disadvantage because if how you communicate this goes wrong, there could be “unforeseen circumstances”. A lot of conflicts could arise when personal values don’t align with the approach taken by a leader, and any discussion should be delicately approached.

Till a few years ago, I would go straight into a discussion with a very confrontational attitude. I can tell you from experience that you start off at a disadvantage if you go in guns blazing. It felt brave at the moment but also turned out to be unnecessary and even stupid at times. I spent more time explaining that I didn’t mean what I said, or the topic that got discussed was the “HOW” of what I said, rather than the “WHAT” I said.

I started paying attention to the “HOW” a lot more and started to make my approaches a bit more softer before I turned up the heat. This approach allowed me to get their attention on the “WHAT” part and then we were able to have a lot more open and respectful exchanges.

Fostering a respectful and open dialogue is key - especially when you are trying to get your points across. Finding a common place between your values and those of your leader is essential else there will not be harmony in what you want to achieve together.

A leader should also not strive to have people who only say “Yes” to everything they say. You need to have people with differing and opposing views - it’s a necessity. Try to bring people with varying and differing views to the table without judging people who have different views.

In some extreme examples, I have seen leaders asking for inputs and feedback from everyone, and they use this as a method of identifying the “resistance” and then methodically eliminate them. This is an extreme example of very poor and insecure leadership, and if you happen to be under such leaders, then I can only sympathize and ask you to find your way to a better leader.

In a majority of the situations though, I genuinely feel that leaders who are concerned about outcomes and results are more likely to engage and find middle ground with people in the teams so that they can quickly focus on achieving results together.

Differing values with organizational culture

This is a tough one.

The organizational culture sets the tone for how leadership operates within the organization. If your values align with the organization, then at the end of the day even if you have a few bad apples here and there, you still feel that the overall purpose is aligned.

If however the values of the organization conflict with those of your personal ones, this can prove to be particularly challenging. When you find most leaders demonstrating these behaviors that are not in line with your personal values then you are faced with a conundrum.

You need to assess the significance of your values with your overall well-being and decide whether you are ok to compromise them for your career path, or accept that it’s time to move along on your career path to an organization where there is a level of alignment between organizational and personal values.

Alternatively, you can also play the waiting game and find other like-minded colleagues and leaders to talk about things with and find pockets of opportunities to keep motivation up.

I can confirm that being confronted with some of these options over my career, none of these choices are easy. You have to make the calls that fit your priorities at the moment.

Maintaining Positive Relationships with Differing Values

This one is important because you will always find people who will not agree with your point of view on various topics. Whats important is to build the skill of navigating through these differences and finding a positive outcome collectively.

Some of my best friends are people that I can disagree with and have a difference of opinion. Simply said, the freedom I am allowed to express myself without judgment allows me to get unfiltered feedback - good or bad.

Here are some takeaways on how you can achieve that win-win even though you come with differing opinions:

2 Ears 1 Mouth: Listen twice as much as you speak. Become an active listener and try to understand perspectives without judging the individual or intention.
Shared Common Ground: Find the common ground where you find alignment and work your way up. Understand the limit up to where you are all comfortable and find avenues to build on those common grounds.
Embody Empathy: You have not been the other person and can not comprehend the personal experiences, but you can empathize and see it from their viewpoint by putting yourself in their shoes for a minute. Think of what you could do differently in their situation and find opportunities.
Common Goals: Work together and build camaraderie by working on common goals that go beyond individual values.
Respect: This is a no-brainer. If you give respect, you will gain respect. If you are willing to engage in genuine dialogue with no biases and judgments, you will more than likely gain respect and understanding. This allows for a mutual sharing of respect and diverse opinions between individuals.
Be Yourself: Stand for your values without disrespecting others for theirs. If you can move forward without having to sacrifice your personal values, then always make the effort to do so without disrespecting others or their values.

Summary

In a nutshell, clearly define your personal values and what are the most essential for you to have peace with yourself. You might not be willing to do certain things that others are willing to do. As long as you have the peace and fulfillment that you have knowingly made choices based on your values, you will feel fulfilled.

Of course, there may be a bit of frustration that sometimes people with no ethical values move ahead of you careerwise, but in my opinion, as long as I have not compromised my personal values to get ahead, I can live a guilt-free life.

End of the day, people around you respect you for your values and how you have brought people together even though there may have been differences in approaches, opinions, or values. For me personally, I want my kids, family, and friends, to see that I live my life with no compromise to the values I hold closest to me.

Embrace your values consistently and lead a purpose-driven life. Build meaningful relationships through respect, trust, and finding common ground. Find ways to work through differences without becoming communal or tribal and creating a one vs. another scenario. Staying true to one’s values is a journey of personal fulfillment for sure, but it is also about making a meaningful impact on the lives of others around you.

Hope you enjoyed the article this week. Please do share your feedback if you did and also do kindly pass it along to friends and colleagues who may resonate with this.

By George!

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